Thursday, October 8, 2009

Breaking News: Kings of Leon to compete for "Worst Band of 2009"

NASHVILLE- The band Kings of Leon announced this morning that they are officially entering into the contest for "Worst Artist of 2009." While this does not come as much of a surprise to music insiders who suspected that the band might enter after their heinous 2008 singles "Sex on Fire" and "Use Somebody," it does represent significant competition for those hoping to claim the title this year. The band, consisting of the Followill brothers from Nashville, TN, have released two singles in 2009, which combined with their 2008 releases, mean that their music is providing a constant aural assault on radio stations across the country.

Leader singer, Anthony "Caleb" Followill, explained "We think 2009 could really be our year. With no major 2009 releases from artists like Kid Rock or Nickelback, we believe that we, quite possibly, have the worst music playing on the radio right now. Whether we win or not, that's really something to be proud of."

Unlike artists Kid Rock or Nickelback who specialize in aggressive, "in-your-face" douchebaggery, Kings of Leon's reputation for terrible music comes from sheer mediocrity. According to Jennifer Hernandez, writer for Rolling Stone, "We haven't seen music this unoriginal and lame since Three Doors Down. What Kings of Leon are doing right now represents a significant achievement in uninspired rock music that will be hard to top."

Despite what appears to be a strong position in this year's contest for Worst Artist, there does remain stiff competition. After releasing their latest album, No Line On The Horizon in December of 2008, U2 has released three singles in 2009, including the atrocious "Magnificent" and the lyrical masterpiece "I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight." When asked about this opposition for the title, guitarist Cameron "Matthew" Followill replied "Of course we're aware of U2. They've been sucking for a long time now, at least since Pop back in '97. And the garbage that they've put out this year has been really bad. But we're not going to let that get us down. I mean, have you heard "Sex on Fire"? It's abominable. We've just got to get out there, play the most boring music we possibly can, and know that we've got this thing in the bag. We're rockstars after all."

Kings of Leon's latest suckfest, Only by the Night, can be purchased on Itunes, or heard every 15 minutes on at least four of your local radio stations.

5 comments:

Valerie said...

hmmmm....I'll have to show your post to Taylor. She's going to the concert here in Bham on 10/15.

Anonymous said...

jesus h christ I'm glad someone else realizes their potential for Worst Band of 2009...some of the worst music I've heard, and its popularity is more infuriating than the music itself

Anonymous said...

I'd like to respectfully disagree. First of all, you clearly falsified the real AP article in which the Jonas Brothers were named the worst band ever. Secondly, if you followed Kings of Leon, you'd realize that they're earlier albums were bad ass. Try listening to "Trani," which Bob Dylan himself said was a really really great song. But I guess you know more than one of the biggest rock icons of all time, who allowed the Kings to tour with him.

trip said...

Anonymous,

No, I "clearly" didn't do anything as there was no AP article on the Jonas Brothers winning worst artist, and even more so, I was not even aware that they had won. Besides, does anyone even know or care what the NME Awards are? And yes, I do know more than Bob Dylan.

JRS said...

Kings of Leon - their music is 'good' the first time you hear it. Circles the drain after that...