Thanks for all of the suggestions and comments from everyone regarding my pimento cheese troubles. I appreciate the recipes and advice. Given all of that information, yesterday I headed off to the grocery store to get the necessary ingredients. I ended up following the recipe (or technique, rather) of Anonymous at 12:33PM since it appeared to be the easiest and seemed to be the way that I would imagine most grandmothers have made it over the years. After experimenting with my ratio of mayo and peppers (and adding a bit more onion than was originally suggested), I was finally able to create a delicious concoction worthy to be called "pimento cheese." Perhaps all it required was having a better understanding of the ingredients and where the unique flavor comes from, but now I am afraid that I am having trouble restraining myself from eating the entire batch this weekend.